ONEITIS — The absurd and ridiculous idea that the EX involved in your recent breakup is THE ONE AND ONLY WOMAN WALKING THE EARTH TODAY THAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY.
This is a lie.
Did you hear that? Stop. Read that again, and repeat it over and over to yourself into you internalize it fully.
It is a lie to think that your EX is the one and only for you, forever and ever.
But you’re still suffering from withdrawal symptoms, just like the junkie on the corner that hasn’t had their daily crack hit. So lets rationally discuss it a bit more so you can find some relief.
Your EX and your Brain Chemistry
When you fall in love, all kinds of chemical reactions are happening in your body. Initial lust turns to love, where chemicals like adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin are hard at work messing with your brain. Your body quickly adapts to this feeling, and in time, in becomes your baseline.
Eventually, additional chemicals are added into the mix. Oxytocin and vasopressin are prevalent in long term relationships as a couple begins to pair bond.
Basically, this means your brain is a mess if you are suddenly dumped. All of those chemicals have been swirling around your body for a period of time and you are experiencing withdrawal. Thus you rationalize and defend the idea in your head that you will never, ever find another person like the one you just had.
Most dudes then go back and beg, plead, and grovel to their EX, trying to get her back. Don’t be that guy! Sack up and grow a pair!
Beating Your ONEitis
ONEitis in general should be banished before it even happens. But you wouldn’t be here if you had done that already. So here are a few ways you beat ONEits, and choke it off from developing in the first place in the future..
- Do not ever put any woman on a pedestal. You must selfishly put your own interests and agenda first in life. That means find and execute a mission, always look out for your long-term interests, and realize that no woman will ever be the source of your happiness. You alone are the source of happiness in your life. Others (friends, family, women) may add to your happiness, but will never be the source.
- Get and stay busy. After a break up, you may have a suddenly find you have much more time on your hands. This indicates that you were putting too much time into your relationship, and not doing your own thing often enough. Get into the gym, get back into your hobbies, and pay attention to friends/family that may have been neglected.
- Run the numbers – Develop an abundance mentality. There are a few billion women on this planet. Probably several million of those are in your area. Of those several million 30% of them are “7”s or better if you look at them objectively. Most of us would have sex with a 7 pretty much any day of the week. Simply running these numbers through your head a few times a day will eventually break that brain pathway that tells you your EX was something out of the ordinary.
- Explore the idea of open relationships. Yes this is completely against what society shoves down your throat via movies and television. But if you aren’t beholden to one single person (and vice versa) then you generally will not get overly attached to said person when other options are out there.
Start Dating Again
A tough step is getting out there and starting to date again. Initially, you may not even find other women attractive at all. This is due to the wiring in your brain, including all of your sexual experiences overriding your attraction for other women.
If you are in this situation, just go to a public place and look at women for a while. A mall or college campus is a good place to find hundreds of beautiful women. No, don’t leer at them like a pervert, but consider how they might fit into your life as a girlfriend or lover. As yourself this question everytime you see an attractive woman:
“I wonder what she is like”
Doing this over and over for a few weeks will break the idea that there is one woman for you, as you see there are literally hundreds of options out there.
Next, its time to get out there. Use your preferred method (online dating, social circle, cold approach) and set dates.
The first few dates may be shit shows. Hold frame and get through them. Escalate by physically touching and going for the kiss at the end if you are attracted to them.
Let your dates know that you aren’t looking to date and have fun, and aren’t looking for anything serious. Generally if you go on ten dates you will find several women who are looking for the same (younger women are more open to this, older women are generally more relationship oriented).
Hook up with a few of them. This will be the biggest stake you can drive into the heart of your ONEitis, the real life knowledge that other women find you attractive and are want to fuck you.
Rinse and repeat as needed. The long-standing Red Pill advice is to GFTOW. Generally though, after one or two most men realize their ONEitis isn’t all that special and there are thousands of other options out there.